Project Space
Project Space: This project considers the socioeconomics and politics of space. While space can be defined as urban, community, and personal, it may also be institutional (e.g., the university and hospital). We’re interested in how space shapes our conception of world, self, and other.
Project Space requirements: reading, fieldwork, group presentation and individual essay @ 1,200 words (hardcopy for review and web version posted on blog).
Part 1 – The theme for this semester is Throw Away People. When you think of this theme what comes to mind. The class has viewed several videos pertaining to the plight of the homeless, the underclass and the displaced. How does space define the person? (If you have problems with this task use yourself as an example, and then compare your environment with those that you have observed.)
Part 2- The Observation – Call and make an appointment to volunteer at a local homeless shelter or a senior facility. As you observe the environment how does this space define the Individual? You need to analyze the social, psychological, and economic impact of the environment.
Part 3- The oral discussion- this is a class discussion when you will look at your individual and group experiences.
Essay #2
Building Your Essay
Planning material: Use of KWL
Prewriting Technique: Reporter formula
Planning and Pre writing
Use K.W.L. for your planning and prewriting strategies. Use the reporter’s formula to explore your topic. Your prewriting should identify the purpose, audience and point of view on the subject.
Peer critiques – you must have at least two critique, four blog responses, and one lab or tutor review of your essay. Voice/ tone, audience, meaning, evidence, structure, and organization are the areas peer readers must comment on. The response must be a page in length
Mode of Discourse: Process Analysis
Sources: This essay must utilize four -five outside sources. The MLA format must be utilized to document the supporting information.
To analyze a topic is to break it down into smaller parts so that you can get a better look at it and understand it.
An exploratory essay might answer one or more of these questions: What is the current condition, or state of affairs? What are the pros and cons? What are the ways of considering this topic? What are the possibilities?
Be sure you realize the difference between an exploratory essay and an evaluation essay. An evaluation essay passes judgments; it says what’s good and what’s bad, what’s better or worse. An exploratory essay describes a situation; this is how it is, advantages and disadvantages, pro’s and con’s
Introduction: In the introduction make sure that you clearly give your reader an understanding of your purpose. Make sure to give enough background information. Take the time to give the reader a description of the space(s) as well as an understanding of how these spaces define the occupant. Look at the social implication, and the psychological implication of the space. How does this space shape one’s worldview and is there a connection to the theme? Make sure that you develop all supporting points.
Draft posting: Make sure that your essay is post along with a peer critique completed before 5p.m. March 22, 2012. The papers will be turned in by March 27Th and 28th
Taffy Hui- Throw Away People: The Secret of Poverty
ReplyDeleteMon/Wed 8:00am
Four Peer Reviewers: Rayan Demikhovskiy, Bryana Ramirez, Nekia Moore,Ryan Mayorga
http://xaznhippotaffyx.blogspot.com/
After reading this paper, just to point out there It was a well set essay , the essay was well formatted all of your main topics are in the right order. You had involved all of your key parts of the essay discussing every subject. I do wish that on your each of your topics you did have details to support your topic, only I wish you had just a few more to support it. You voice in this essay is very broad. You write with seriousness like you wanted to make your point get through like this really was something that had affected you. You had excellent structure. All of your examples have been cited and cited well. You essay on this topic having to do with the fact of how poverty affects people and how it had affected you was interesting, and you don’t end up ending this essay with a cliffhanger it was ended with the main point that you had wanted to prove, your point on your opinion on the effects of poverty. And you also had a well observation on the topic.
DeleteRyan Mayorga
Your thesis statement should be located in your introductory paragraph. You had evidence that supported almost everything you stated. However, you did not give evidence that supported where you got your information on African Americans. Your stats were accurate and you used quotes correctly.
DeleteI do not feel that the lesson before dying should be included in this project. I do not see how it is relevant to your topic besides race and poverty. You had a couple of missing words, and the way you phrase certain things can be confusing.
Your organization was good; although there were a couple of times you spoke of more than one topic in a paragraph that did not go together. You had a couple of transitional problems between paragraphs. The structure of your paper flowed together quit well.
You didn’t have a voice. I felt that you didn’t really seem passionate about what you were discussing. Your tone remained the same throughout your paper.
I wasn’t clear on who your audience was. It seemed like you was targeting more than one group. The meaning of your paper was clear. I understood the different ways people could get into poverty.
You used my and me when you spoke of your experience with volunteering. Try not to refer to yourself. Also try to speak of space and throw away people.
Erika Camacho
ReplyDeletePoverty: An Unwinnable Struggle
Mon/Wed 8:00am
Four Peer Reviewers: Rayan Demikhovskiy,Bryana-Ramirez,Radhika Patel, Divya.
http://erikacam195.blogspot.com/
Bryana Ramirez-Macias
ReplyDeleteDealing with Poverty in America
Mon.Wed 8:00 am
Four Peer Reviewers: Taffy Hui, Erika Camacho, Christina Payne, Rayan Demikhovskiy
http://breezem18.blogspot.com/
Bryana, your paper is filled with many great facts and is organized really well. I really liked the short story in the beginning because it lured me in to keep reading your essay. I know a thesis does not necessarily need to be in the first paragraph, but it needs to go somewhere in your essay. If it is in your essay and I just cannot find it, it is a bad sign. A reader should be able to see the thesis statement and know clearly exactly what the writer is writing about without asking the writer. Your facts really blend really well with your essay, but you need to learn how to quote some out and cite the quote the right way. For example, [ “the octopus can change to many different colors” (Smith pg. 52).] then in your citations, there will be one article that starts with the authors last name “smith.” You can look up how to do that in an MLA book. A site that might help you out on citing stuff correctly is www.easybib.com. You did not have many grammatical/spelling errors which are really good, so you can revise your essay much faster and easier. Some of your facts though were a little unnecessary, but it can stay because it is really the least of your problems because although unnecessary, it can still be useful for people that do not know a thing about this subject. In my opinion, this essay was to influence people to do something, but your essay was more of an essay to educate. I am not too sure what Dr. Broadous wants, but this essay was pretty much enforcing your readers with a lot of facts and that’s pretty much it. I didn’t see your opinion on this subject until this end. You also needed to include what you heard from the videos that we watched in class as well as the book “A Lesson Before Dying.” Overall, voice was good, you have much evidence, your organization and structure of this paper is really good, there’s no need for cliffhangers in an influential and education paper, and your audience is a little bit questionable. I wasn’t too sure who you were trying to write this to.
DeleteBreana Thompson
ReplyDeleteDrowned In Poverty
Mon.Wed 8:00am-9:15am
Four Peer Reviewers: Monica Diaz, Christina Payne, Ne'kia Moore & Radhika Patel
http://breeethompsonn7.blogspot.com/
Ryan Mayorga: Poverty in America
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Mon/Wed 8:00-9:15
http://irdhanyclue.blogspot.com
Peer Reviews: Jasmine, Taffy
First thing you need to know before I continue on with the detailed things, NEVER EVER START A SENTENCE WITH A BUT OR SO!!! A lot of your sentence has those problems of either incomplete, too long, or does not start as a sentence like putting the words but or so in the beginning. With that it takes the meaning of the story out because people cannot read your paper correctly and is too distracted by the corrections they need to make that they lose connection to your point. Know when to use its and it’s. Make sure you re-read your paper because there is a lot of minor mistakes that you could have corrected on your own.
DeleteVoice- Your voice is weak because you once in a while but I guess. The reader already know it is your paper so first rule, don’t put “I” and don’t ever put “I guess” or “probably” because it weakens your point and no one will because you because you are even second guessing yourself. I like how you put a story into your paper so people can feel more connected and not bored out of their mind just reading facts.
Evidence- You need to quote your findings so people know where you got the information from. I do not see that you put any of your work cited, so that’s one big thing you need to fix. For the amount of work you put out, you did have enough evidence, but back it up with your work cited page.
Organization- This part is a bit on the so so side. Although you had a story in one side and facts on another side, you didn’t really have a thesis statement and just got right on to poverty. You might want think of revising your thesis if you have one. If you don’t have one, you need a clear thesis statement, so people will know what you will be writing about.
Structure- I felt the structure was really off balance. There was a story and there was facts, but I only saw two different papers with one common purpose of poverty. You need to learn how to blend it together.
Meaning- The meaning is clear that poverty is bad, but you need to show why you are writing this paper.
Audience- I can tell you are trying to inform your audience that poverty is bad, but what is your point in telling them that? That is part of the point of having a thesis.
Ne`kia Moore: Why Are People Homeless?
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Mon/Wed 8:00-9:15
http://nekia.blogspot.com
Peer reviews by: Breana T., Christina P., Monica, Taffy H.
Before going on to the six points I want to say a few things. First off, Nekia you need to know when a paragraph is a paragraph and how to separate parts. A paragraph consists of at least four sentences and can go up to about eight sentences. In those sentences, just like one sentence, it must have a complete meaning. I know a few of your paragraphs do have a complete thought, but it is too short to be considered a paragraph of its own. It seems to be that your paper is filled with a bunch of facts and statistics which is great, but you kind of want something to lure in your readers to read your paper. If your paper was to inform people on why people are poor, then forget what I said, but if you want people to do something about this situation, you want to pull them in.
DeleteVoice- Your voice is pretty much straightforward. You really wanted to just inform your readers the reasons of poverty and it’s good because you are sticking to one voice.
Evidence- You have much facts and evidence, but you need a work cited page and you need to quote a few of your facts so people will know where you got it from instead of assume that you got these facts out of nowhere and made it all up.
Organization- Your paper is really well organized, but it felt a little bland for some reason.
Structure- You had a pretty good introduction, but it seems that your introduction only introduced the next few paragraphs. You need to make sure that your thesis and introduction paragraph introduces everything you will be talking about in your paper, not just the first few paragraphs.
Meaning- I guessing your meaning behind your paper was to inform people on poverty. If I am wrong than your readers will not know the meaning to your paper which is not a good sign.
Audience- Your audience are probably people that want to know why people are homeless, to its fine that it doesn’t really have anything that lures people in because this paper is made more for people that were interested by this question in the first place. It goes straight to the point of how and why.
http://radhikapatel92.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteRadhika Patel: Finding Causation
PAS 113B Mon/Wed 8:00a.m.-9:15a.m.
Peer Reviers: Jasmine Osuna, Divya Pathiya, Ericka Camacho, Breana Thompson
Christina Payne: Poverty Affects All
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Mon/Wed 8-9:15
Peer Reviews:Ne'kia Moore, Breana Thompson, Monica Diaz and Byrana Ramirez
I had a hard time identifying your thesis statement. I think your introductory paragraph should lead up to your thesis. Start by discussing the problem with poverty in L.A. Or maybe how poverty in L.A. came to be about, how it is different from poverty in the third world countries, or how is effecting America, California, or the people.
DeleteYour organization is not good. You have a little problem with transitions. Your paragraphs don’t really focus on one specific topic. You do not thoroughly discuss the topics you bring up. You do not support them with details. The structure of your paper is confusing.
Your meaning is not clear; therefore I couldn’t identify your audience. I think you’re trying to inform your readers about the psychological and sociological impact that poverty has on L.A., but you only discussed it briefly in two paragraphs. Maybe try talking about things or events that bring these things about.
Your evidence is pretty good; just try to give more details to support it. Your stats are accurate. You used quotes and cited correctly.
The tone is the same throughout your paper. Your voice is weak. You do not seem passionate about your topic. Take a stand on a point, it will make your paper stronger.
Proof read your paper you had a problem with leaving out words and punctuation. Try to include space and throw away people.
Jasmine Osuna : The Struggles Faced in Poverty
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Mon/Wed 8-9:15
Peer reviews: Radhika Patel, Divya, Ryan Mayorga, Stephen Clark
so in jasmines essay she discuuses the outcomes the happen when you begin to hit into the sad life of poverty. you wrote it with such agression, as if you had really wanted to get really straight to the point. you had many different topics throughout this whole essay and to be quite honest on some of your topics some of them did not have any supporting details nor any supporting facts. some of the quotes that you have put in your essay were not cited. you had not left your essay with a cliffhanger you had left it at a closeing point. you had grabbed your audience by lureing them into the essay by the facts and statistics that you had brought to peoples attention.the evidence that you had brought to this essay was strong but like i wrote earlier coulld have been stronger. but in overall it was a well done and organized essay.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete(This is my response to Monica's paper, I couldn't find her on your page.)
ReplyDeleteYour thesis was clear and strong. I knew exactly what you were going to be discussing. Your audience was easy to identify. You made it clear that we are capable of solving problems. Your voice was very strong, you took a stand went for it. I liked how you ended it with a cliff hanger. You proved your point and you gave evidence to support your points. Everything was relevant and your stats were accurate. You quoted and cited correctly. The tone of your essay stayed the same throughout your paper. Your paper was well organized and flowed accordingly. You discussed the psychological, sociological, space and throw away people. Your structure was well developed. You stayed on topic and easily transitioned to the next. You had a few missing words and you mixed up some words. Include your volunteering experience.
Alex Conway: The Disappearing Middle Class
ReplyDeletePAS 114B/ Tues, Thurs 8:00-9:15 A.M.
Peer Critiques: Lindsey, Kelsey, Ana, Justin
http://searchingforonesidentity.blogspot.com/
This essay was very well thought out with many supporting detail and facts, however it just needs to relate back to the prompt and theme more often in the actual essay. Other than that, very good essay.
DeleteThe essay is really good. Many statistics that support the main idea. I like the part where you made a senario of a middle class family. Also try not to make the essay about you, but everything else is good.
DeleteYou paper was very descriptive and was very informative. I like the way you expressed everything. I went through everything really smoothly. I think you might want to be give a little thorough description of the place where you volunteered. Describe the space around them. Overall, great job!
DeleteLindsay Brown- Poverty: It's Not Just Men and Women
ReplyDeletePAS 114B Tues/Thurs 8:00-9:15 A.M.
Peer Critiques: Alex, Kelsey, Justin and Zenaida
http://lindsaybrown143.blogspot.com
This essay is very well thought out, with many facts and statistics. However, there just needs to some sort of relation between the facts and the actual prompt. Some spelling errors, but over-all, it's a very string essay.
DeleteThis Paper has a great introduction and grabs the reader’s attention.The paper needs to be edited due to grammar errors and typos.The paper informs its readers with great factual evidence. You also do a good job at citing your sources, allowing the reader to see where you got your data.Over all this paper was well thought out.
DeleteYour introduction really captured my attention it was short and to the point. There were no surprises. I liked the fact that by reading your introduction I already knew what it is you were going to be talking about and proving in this essay. You had really good supporting ideas and evidence in your body paragraphs for this essay and although you did have some typo errors I think this essay is really good because those are corrections that can be easily fixed.
DeleteKelsey Crone - "Elbow Room"
ReplyDeletePAS 114 Tues/Thurs 8:00-9:15
Peer Critiques: Alex Conway, Lindsay Brown, Justin Boyd, and Zanaida Navarn
http://kelseycrone.blogspot.com
While reading this paper the reader may have a hard time following the train of thought because of the grammar and sentence structure. The paper needs to be edited.Overall this paper has good information and great observations, but needs to be reworked “edited,” to make it flow better.
DeleteI get were you are going with this essay, but it needs to focus on american or world poverty not both. There were a few grammer and puctuation errors. But overall the idea is there. Remember to cite your information used from your sources.
DeleteYou essay was very well thought out. I like how it has complete structure in wording and ideas. Everything went well with each other and every statement complimented the next. I really enjoyed reading your essay for it gave important information. You really made the connection with the topic and defined how space defines an individual. The only thing was that it was one big paragraph with just made it hard to read because it was so long but other than that it was an over all really well structured and thought out essay.
DeleteYajing Zhang:Child Soldiers, the Invisible Children
ReplyDeletePAS 114B Tuesday/Thursday 8AM-9:15AM
Peer critique:Cindy Delarosa, Brenda Mendez, Anna Osuna, Ana Gonzalez
http://yajing-yajing.blogspot.com/
Yajing, I thought that your paper was very informative. I had been hearing about the Kony situation for some time now, but didn't realize what it was really about. I enjoyed finding out. I like the way you set everything up. I would recommend that you use quotation marks. Overall, I think you did a great job and that you have a kind heart for getting involved with the situation.
DeleteI enjoyed your essay because you decided to focus on provarty not just in the Untied States but in the country of Uganda as well. The Kony movement has recently become big among students and kids because of the posting of it on facebook. I thought you essay was direct and informative. Your evidence supported your main points strongly. The structure of your essay flowed very well together. One thing I would suggest is that you focus on the topic of space more, for example how this space defined these children in contrast to the way children in the Untied States have grown up. I even forget sometimes that the Untied States is not the only country with issues. Not everybody is entitled to the privilege of a good life. I really liked your essay though keep up the good work!
DeleteJustin Boyd: The Untouchables
ReplyDeletePAS 114b tues/Thur 8:00-9:15
http://kneets.blogspot.com/
Peer reviews by: Anna O, Kelsey C. Lindsay B. and Zenaida (llaya)
Your essay is really good and has a strong voice/tone. Good topics. Concider combining some of the paragraphs together because they talk about the same ideas. Sources were well cited throughout the essay. Overall you did a great job!
DeleteWhile reading your story I came to realize that it had an extremely well written start. We were told to analyze six different sections of you story in particular and this are what they were:
DeleteVoice/tone: I liked how through this essay you can hear the confidence on the fact that you did your research and you know what you are talking about which makes me the reader really believe and not doubt any of what you are saying.
Audience: From my understanding it seems like you are directing this essay towards young or mid adults because the information you are displaying is a bit too much for a younger crowd.
Evidence: You used a good amount of evidence. All of your paragraphs had supporting evidence and it was useful evidence such as numbers and dates.
Meaning: the meaning that I got out of this essay was that the homeless people need more help from the government because as of now the government is not doing anything and they are letting the people go to waste n letting them be throw away people.
Structure: This essay had really good structure. It had all the basics such as a thesis an introduction body paragraphs and a conclusion. The intro introduced the main point and as it went along the essay came together to prove its point.
Organization: this essay was vey well organized everything went from beginning to end. There was no jumping back and forth and you did not get carried away talking about something else. So overall it was a really good essay.
Hannah Won: Poverty Affecting the World
ReplyDeletePAS 113B TUES/THURS. 11-1215PM
http://hannahw0n.blogspot.com/
PEER REVIEWS: Brittany Schell, Jacob Cabral
Jenniffer ochoa: Disadvantages in Provety
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Tues/Thurs 11-12:15Pm
http://jenniffer07.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviews :Janelly, Ericka
Ana Gonzalez
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS 114B Tue/Thur. 8-9:15am
http://gonzalezana1105.blgspot.com
Peer Reviews: Justin, Yajing, Alex, Ana
Ana, I thought your paper is very impressive about your experiences in the homelss shelter. I didn't go there, so after I read your paper I knew a lot what happened is the shelter. I thought you write the stories about a man and a woman in the church are really good. You talk about what they wear and what they background. You proof a lot of details about this experience. Overall, it is a very well-organized and thoughtful essay. Maybe you can write bad side and good side t, to make the essay more comprehensive.
DeleteI thought you essay was very informative and answered the questions project space was looking for. You made your point clear from the very start that space does define the character of individuals. I can only imagine what these people must go through even from just volunteering at LA Mission it is entire different lifestyle that will change a person's entire character and even personality. I think the audience will appreciate that you shared your perspective along with stating the facts of what provarty in america has come to. You supported your essay with just the right amount of evidence. The interviews and encounters you explained with the people you met at the church really gave deeper meaning to your essay. Overall i thought it was great and brought good points to view.
DeleteOver all it was a really good essay. It had really good structure and organization all the way throughout the essay. You had great supporting evidence throughout your entire essay and kept it really strong in solid in supporting what it is you were talking about. I really liked how you got teenagers and young adults point of view in this situation, and if I am not mistaken that was you audience. The only thing that you would have to go back and change is the fact that you kept using “I” when you talked about your volunteer experience. Although it seems like the right thing to put you are not suppose to use “I”. Other than that it was really good and thought out essay.
DeleteJanelly Jauregui
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS 113B Tues/Thurs 11-12:15pm
http://janellyjauregui.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviews: Jennifer, Stephanie
Creole Green
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS 113B Tue/Thur. 12:30-1:45
http://Beautifulcre.blogspot.com
peer Reviews: Ashley,Myee,Victoria Johnson,monikk
Myee Tillis
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS113B TE-Thur 12:30-1:45
http://projecttspace.blogspot.com/2012/03/to-be-or-not-to-be.html
Victoria Alexander
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS 113B tuesday and thursday 1230-140pm
http://victoriaalexander74.blogspot.com
peer reviews Victoria Johnston Sue Won Victoria Ruiz Carmen
Anna Osuna
ReplyDeleteProject Space
PAS 114B
Tuesday and Thursday 8am
http://annaelisaosuna.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviewers: Ana, Yijang, Juevn,Justin
Hi Anna, when I was reading your essay, I felt I was with you in the shelter. Everything is so real through your experience of volunteering. However, I think you should add more details about homeless people's sufferings, for instance, how the mother and the daughter struck you. In addition, "Many women and children become homeless due to domestic violence"——this sentence seems to describe the reason that they have become homeless. But you don't mention this in your introduction. Moreover, I think you should also write some solutions for this situation and have a better conclusion.
DeleteAnna, I would like to point out that I really enjoyed reading your paper. I like that you focused on the children that are homeless because many of us don't do this. I think that you had a strong voice and you seemed prepared to say what you had to say. I think that the paper was well organized even though it lacked some resources. I think that all you need to do now, like Yajing said, is work on a better conclusion. Overall, great job!
DeleteZenaida Navarro: Challenges Homeless face with Space
ReplyDeletePAS114B Tuesday and Thursday 8am
http://llayasays.blogster.com/
Peer Critiques: Justin B., Ana G., Lindsey, Kelsey
Zenaida, I though that your paper was really good because you had precise information and exact numbers on the increasing homeless. I like that you focused on the traumas that these people have. I think you did a great job with structure and I liked your ideas. I would improve grammar a little more but great tone and voice!
DeleteYour essay was really good. There was great supporting detail. The structure is good but there are a few errors that you should notice when reading out loud.
DeleteRoberto Zambrano: Forgotten for Good
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Tues-Thurs 12:30-1:45
Peer Reviews: Carmen, Vanessa, Victoria Ruiz, Sunshine
http//iambobbyvalentino.com
Victoria Ruiz
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Tuesday- Thursday 12:30- 1:45
Peer Reviews: Carmen, Victoria, Bobby
http://vickyat93.blogspot.com/
Jason Suh: Project Space
ReplyDeletePAS113B Tues-Thurs 12:30-1:45
Peer Reviews: Vanessa, Hyung Bae, Stephen, Monikke
http://krnxjsuh.blogspot.com/
Cindy De la Rosa
ReplyDeleteProject Space - Invisible People
Tuesday/Thursday 8:00am
Two Peer Reviewers:Yajing Zhang and Brenda Mendez
http://cindydlr.blogspot.com
Michelle Pornsiritara: Poverty Increasing Everyday
ReplyDeletePAS 113B TUES/THURS 11AM-12:15PM
http://michelle-lee-lee.blogspot.com/
PEER REVIEWS: Jane Ramirez, Lucy Balian
Tamika Brown : The truth about Homelessness
ReplyDeletePAS 114B Mon/Wed 9:30am-10:45am
http://tab716.blogspot.com
Shevonna Boyd
ReplyDeletePAS114B MoWe 930
shevonnaboyd2.blogspot.com
Sydney Delville
ReplyDeletePas 114B Mon-Wed 9:30
http://sydneydelvillepas114b.blogspot.com/2012/03/let-me-serve-you-project-space-final.html
Naimah Smith
ReplyDeletePAS 114B Monday and Wednesday 9:30
http://naimahsmith.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviews: Camille, Shevonna, Sean, and Kattie
Shayla Brown
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Tu-Th 11:00
http://shaylabrown1693.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviews: Michelle Pornsiritara, Ericka Sims
Ericka Sims
ReplyDeletePAS 113B Tu-Th 11:00
http://erickasims.blogspot.com/
Peer Reviews: Jennifer Ochoa, Shayla Brown